Disclaimer: This is a self-indulgent posting, done for myself. I’m curious as to how I analyse everything that’s gone on this year, and I find the easiest way to do that is to write it down. It will probably go on for a while, have no structure and involve lots of writing about nothing in particular. You have been warned.
At the start of this year, I was a big fat blob, single, a bit emo, and generally not very happy, and completely lacking in any kind of self-confidence. At the close of the year, I’m still single, and as ever confidence is something I struggle to acquire, but other than that, everything else has changed. This can only be a good thing.
My Physical Self
At the start of the year I weighed 98.9kg, or 15st 8lb if you prefer that sort of thing, was 30.3% body fat, 30.2 BMI and had a 37” waist. 365 days later and it’s time for an end of year weight in. 75.9kgs or 11st 13lb, 17.5% body fat, 23.2 BMI and 29” waist. I make that a drop of 23kg, or 3st 9lb, 12.8% fat and 8” round the waist. That can only be seen as a good start. If I’d taken the 365 days between the start of last November (when I peaked at 16st 7lb) and the start of this November (at 11st 7lb before the Christmas binging) it would’ve been far more favourable, showing a 5 stone loss in the same period, but in the interests of keeping this a strict 2011 review, I’ll use those figures.
I’ve gone from not being able to do a 5k, to getting my time to under 21 minutes, and from my maximum distance for a slow run being 3km, to being able to do a half-marathon in a bit under 2 hours. Most importantly, I’ve gone from feeling like a mess, unfit and unhealthy, to the best shape I’ve been in since I was 18.
My Mental Self
2011 started with me in a bit of a state. My customary self-loathing reached a near peak, recently(ish) single following a 7 year relationship, but being in a state that it never seemed I could rectify that. It wasn’t a very nice place to be. As is always the case, for the most part there wasn’t that much wrong, but my head being as it is, everything was blown up out of proportion in it. Things improved as my physical improvements came on, with some self-belief arising that for once my proposed lifestyle improvements were more than just talk, they were actually happening and I’d finally done something positive and productive.
Then, just when all seemed to be going smoothly, at the back end of June there was a bit of an incident with a girl I’d taken a liking to (more on that in another section). In my typical “blowing things out of all proportion” style, what was in reality a rejection from a small crush seemed to culminate in a minor breakdown, where I spent about a month going through a painful bout of depression, was prescribed anti-depressants, then had my dose doubled when they weren’t working, and was sent for therapy. It wasn’t a nice time.
The upshot of all of this is that the pills clearly worked, therapy is helping, and I’ve finished the year feeling bouncy, optimistic, and content. There are things that could be better, but in reality I can have very few complaints.
Relationships
Still single, still sort of looking. But I’ve learned to not really care. There was a period, certainly earlier in the year, when my complete failure to attract girls was getting me stressed out. My general social ineptitude is still something of a concern, but it’s how I am and whilst I will endeavour to improve it, I see little point in getting worked up over it any more on a day-to-day basis.
In this regard it’s probably the least eventful year of my life. I’ve been on a total of 5 dates, with four girls. I have at no point had a ‘girlfriend’. Aside from the girls I actually managed to get a date with, I’ve had two rejections, and one that I held off on doing anything about for too long until the window had passed.
One of those rejections, the one that sent me into the aforementioned bout of insanity, decided to make things that much harder by, instead of just saying no, blocking me from all forms of contact, running away from me whenever she passed me in the street, and telling my friends some entirely deluded and fictitious things about me. It has since become clear that that rejection can only be a good thing, as she’s completely insane. On certain internet fora she’s become affectionately known as ‘train girl’. I haven’t spoken to her since June, and haven’t seen her in passing in over two months. I don’t particularly want to do either.
In non-romantic relationships, things couldn’t be better. 18 months of living with my flatmate and we haven’t fallen out yet. 18 months after our break-up and I still get on very well with my ex. I’m closer than I’ve ever been in the past with my sisters, who I drifted apart from shamefully over the years but have thankfully restored all that. One of my best friends from school who vanished for many years is now back, and since we’ve gotten back in touch it’s meant I’ve been out and about and enjoying myself more than any time since my teens. Everything else is pretty much as was, and it was pretty good to start with, so no complaints anywhere on that front.
Experiences
More than most of my recent years, in that I actually did some things. I rediscovered this odd thing called being sociable, which has improved my life no end. I’ve gone out, mixed with people, had fun, and not cared. This is all quite new to me. I just wish I’d tried it sooner.
I went to India, and saw many interesting things. I got to see a wild tiger, which ranks up there with the best experiences I’ve ever witnessed. Given that the national park where they live is 820 square kilometres, which makes it bigger than the county of Merseyside, and only a fraction smaller than the county of West Midlands, and there are only 8 tigers living there, and that there are people who have been working in the park for many years who are yet to see one, it’s hard to describe how lucky and incredible that felt.
After a break of a few years, I returned to Glastonbury. The line-up left a lot to be desired, but as always some completely unexpected shows (notably the best gig I’ve ever seen from Imelda May and a jaw-dropping performance from Jessie J) along with the always incomparable atmosphere made it a great time. Ordinarily I would have gone with a group of friends, but this time none of my friends were going, so I found myself going with a vague acquaintance (who may have been referred to, as may the events that took place shortly after the festival, at various other points in this post) and three of her friends, none of whom I’d met before. I now get on well with those people, and see one of them on a regular basis, so some good definitely came of the whole thing.
I stuck to my promise to myself to see more football. I’ve been at every home and four away Leeds United games this season. To be honest, that probably can’t be listed in the ‘good experiences’ section, so I’ll just pretend that never happened. MoT.
I did a proper, competitive run. With just two months of training after being my peak weight due to chronic injuries I did the Jane Tomlinson Leeds 10k. My target was under 50 minutes, and I made it with 19 seconds to spare (pleasing given the number of times I had to stop due to people in my way had convinced me I’d failed). I used this as an excuse to do some fund raising for Marie Curie, whose hospice my ex’s mother spent her last days in back in 2003, and so a cause I have a personal connection to. Thanks to family, friends, and lots of lovely random strangers on the internet, I exceeded all my expectations with total donations exceeding £600.
Self Development
I said at the start of 2011 that I would start working much harder. I stuck to that. I feel I’ve improved exponentially at my job in the last few months through putting in a lot of time and effort into trying to develop.
As ever, I’ve started lots of new hobbies and failed to stick to them. I appear to have two guitars I didn’t own at the start of the year. I can’t really play them. I have touched my piano for about 30 seconds this year. At least I’ve been practicing drums almost every day, and have actually played a few gigs, which is more than can be said for the last few years.
I’ve taken up snowboarding. I’m not very good at it. I’ve only had 5 lessons, and have bad balance issues genetically, so it was always going to be a struggle, but it’s new and fun, so I’m sticking at it. Normally I’d have given up by now, but this time I won’t give up so easily.
In between never-ending injuries of death, I seemed to get quite addicted to running. Sadly the Achilles injury that kept me out between November 2010 and April of this year, and the hamstring one that followed and kept me out from August until December didn’t make any of that especially easy. But it was a good four months. Watching my distances go up and times go down was a massive drive for me. Hopefully now that my leg is back functional again I can get back into it, albeit probably for about three days until it breaks again.
The Targets
I know lots of people hate resolutions. If you are that way inclined, just don’t read them rather than telling me that. I did some last year, I stuck to some of them, and they helped. They’re not always easy, that’s the challenge. There’s no such thing as unattainable.
- Get my body fat to under 12%
- Actually learn to properly play my guitars
- Have a relationship that lasts for more than a month, with a sane person
- Use this year’s 4 runs (Leeds/Hull/York 10k, Leeds half-marathon) to raise more than last year’s £615 for Marie Curie
- Learn to talk to strangers
- Actually blog. I’ve had this site forever and done one post, 4 months ago, about a games console. The one time I stuck to a blog back in 2006 I loved it. I need to start using it again.
Summary
It’s been an interesting year. My first full year of being single since 2001. It’s not all been good, but it’s gotten better. Right now, things are as good as they’ve been in recent memory. And they’re going to get better, because that’s what I’ve decided.
